November 10, 2008

November 10, 2008

November 10, 2008

Last night was almost my second night outside!  Stefan didn’t return my call about finding a place, so I called his apartmentmate Brenna once I deduced that they lived together and urged her to help Stefan find a place (not breaking the rules, as they both live there.)  Brenna agreed to help and said she would call a mutual friend of ours and get back to me, which she never did and she never returned my text… at this point I was sure I was staying outside.  Stefan then talked to Bev, who recommended Stefan have me stay with our mutual friend Alan and that is what I did.  Bev is kind of my savior at this point, as she has discreetly found me a place to stay the last four nights.  After staying at her place, she sent me to Kyra–then when Kyra couldn’t find a place she had Kyra set me up in her friend’s car (who I think is named Brittanny)–Brittanny doesn’t know anyone because she was visiting, so Bev had her send me to Stefan’s–Stefan couldn’t find anyone so Bev had him send me to Alan.  It technically was following the rules, as I don’t decide how my hosts find me a new place, but she really has masterminded my recent existence and put quite a bit of effort into it.  What a lovely thing to do for a stranger!  We’re pretty much bff now.

Alan and I actually lived together last summer and we get along really well, so it was a nice chance to let down my guard a bit.  I tend to keep things to myself and Alan tends to not let me keep things to myself, which can be kind of a nice relief at moments.  Everything I tried to tell him when he asked about my life he had already read in the blog (people have actually started reading this and I am getting more and more people telling me about how into it they are and how my honesty allows them to really become a part of the project–I also have a lot more people worrying about me after my last few posts, which is really weird) and so he quickly forced me to go deeper about how I’ve been lately.  This all took place over Runts and green tea.  We started by going over what I texted the other night, which was probably healthy to talk about, and then just about relationships in general.  My and Alan’s romantic lives have been strangely paired ever since I met him a couple years ago, so it’s something we have always talked about and it’s refreshing to get to talk about things that I normally wouldn’t bring up with anyone.  He was also there to listen when I was dealing with my breakup over the summer, so it kind of makes sense that we would get a chance to catch up now.  I learned he’s going abroad soon!  We don’t hang out too much, but I will miss our conversations (and video game playing / drunken ridiculousness) for the months that he’s gone.

Somewhere in my brain I knew that Alan blogs regularly, but I haven’t ever read any of it (a fact I am going to rectify shortly.)  We did talk about blogging a bit though: how I am trying to be increasingly honest, while he prefers to be a bit more ambiguous since he’s just blogging as a personal record.  I guess he’s going to try and keep it more open, which I would recommend.  It’s been really hard for me, but as someone who gets incredibly stressed out about letting other people know how I’m feeling this has been a healthy exercise.  The New Genres professor Harry Dodge commented how this project seemed like a way for Elliott to deal with his fear of people, but I think if it’s anything along those lines it’s more of a way for Elliott to deal with his fear that sharing things with people somehow means they’re scarily permanent.  And a chance for him to speak in the third person, because it’s quite amusing.

Before I go back to my night, I want to mention that apparently a lot of sleep followed by a little sleep makes me kind of grumpy and a little too honest.  Today that same professor asked if I was becoming more tired from my project (presumably because I wasn’t very participative in class) and my response was something like: oh, not really… I’m just not really interested in anything we’re learning today.  WHAT THE HELL?!?  WHO SAYS THAT???  I’m quite certain that’s not something you should ever tell to your professor.  I sent an apologetic email later on, as I really didn’t mean to be rude or offensive.  I absolutely love his class, I just happen to find analyzing traditional narrative cinema kind of boring.  Later this afternoon the Geffen Playhouse had closed the sidewalk in front of it, blocking my path to Ralph’s right after I had crossed the street to get there.  I was on the phone and this annoyed me, so I tried to walk through and a large man pushed me back and told me I couldn’t go through.  I then slipped past him into the street, where another person tried to stop me and I was forced to go farther into the street and was then yelled at to get back on the sidewalk.  I yelled back at him that they wouldn’t let me.  I generally avoid confrontation as it takes so much less effort to be laid back, but blocking off streets is a huge pet peeve (stupid LA) and I guess being tired made me a bit more annoyed than usual.

Alan had just gotten back from a Super Smash Bros. Melee tournament, so we talked about that and how that group really is this tight knit family and how he also had that in his Fellowship, Frat, and even amongst the Sproul Front Desk (where I work and he used to work.)  I’ve been thinking about that since last night and how I have my really tight group of friends that is totally family, along with my Front Desk family… it’s also really strange considering I don’t know most of the people from this project very well, but it does seem like some sort of strange family just because everyone is connected and everyone was generous enough to house me.  I was just explaining to Alan over instant messenger that I’m really excited for as many people to meet at the potluck as possible!

The only thing that kind of bothered me last night was when we talked about this party my ex and her roommates threw earlier in the quarter.  It was a dinosaur themed party and was amazing… I had a really really good time.  I guess Alan had been worried about me back then and thought that I had been “trying to find myself” and changed a lot in the process, which made me sad because I don’t think it was the case at all.  It was one of the first times being around everyone all at once since the breakup, but it was a really good time and I don’t like hearing from someone I respect so much that I was acting worrisome.  Good thing I’m arrogant enough to just take it for granted that he’s wrong… hehehe.  He was also worried about me because of what he’d read in the blog, but I assured him that I really am doing well.  And it was / is true.  I did feel like a was talking to people through some sort of curtain yesterday though, which was an unpleasant feeling… oh and today I fell asleep in the dental chair at the UCLA Dental Center in the two minutes my dentist had walked away to find the head dentist.

Tonight I’m staying with my friend / supervisor Manny (who is also one of the participants in my dinner project) and he, Alex, Amanda, and I are going to hang out.  I’m pretty sure Alex is going to try and get Manny to give him me tomorrow, in the hopes of fulfilling his desire to get me the highest I’ve ever been.  First of all, that wouldn’t be very hard.  Second of all, I’m not sure if I really want that to happen–but feel like it’s a part of the project and I don’t really want to say no since it’s not like I’m worried about my safety or anything like that.  Who knows…

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2 Responses to “November 10, 2008”

  1. erin Says:

    good luck!

  2. Alan Says:

    is it tacky to comment on a post about me?

    you’re so endearing elliott


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