November 8, 2008

November 8, 2008

November 8, 2008

That update last night was kind of crazy, but I’m feeling somewhat better this morning; I’m still weak and kind of down though.  After writing it I found out that I was probably going to be sleeping outside because a drunk Beverly told me to just go to Pike and find any frat brother and tell him that she gave me permission to sleep on the couch, which is clearly a terrible idea and plus Kyra was supposed to be the one to find me a place anyways.  Kyra called about an hour later when I was wallowing in self pity on Grace’s couch and told me she had found a car for me to sleep in, a yellow VW bug.  I guess the owner was just visiting and was nice enough (and trusting enough) to let me spend the night in her car… the more I think about it, the cooler that is.  Kyra was kind of freaking out and just kept repeating that she tried really hard, but is a transfer and doesn’t know very many people–I tried to repeatedly reassure her that it was not a big deal and that I planned the project knowing some nights might be uncomfortable so she shouldn’t be so upset.  Now might be a good time to mention that right now I’m working with the person who let me sleep outside a few weeks ago and he just apologized for probably the five thousandth time for not finding me a place.  I wanted that component to ensure people felt some imperative to look for a new host, but had no idea that it would make people feel so guilty.  I don’t want to make art that induces guilt, so that’s kind of a bummer.

I do find it very interesting that Kyra and Bev didn’t just talk to Celina (Kyra’s apartmentmate) about it though, as we know a lot of the same people and I’m sure it wouldn’t have been too hard for her to find a place.  Maybe it has something to do with the apartment relationships / politics?  Or maybe they did ask?  I don’t know…

Bev (everyone else calls her that so I’m just going to start as well) and her friend let me in the car and left me with the keys, coming back a few minutes later with water and a blanket just in case I needed them.  It was somewhat relieving to have a space entirely to myself and I naively thought that I would be able to get eight hours of sleep.  VW’s are actually pretty small and I couldn’t fall asleep lying in the back seat (on top of my sleeping bag–it was so hot) so I moved to the passenger’s seat and leaned it back as far as it would go, falling asleep pretty quickly.  Figuring out how to work the seats was a huge pain in the ass and probably took me close to fifteen minutes, due to some sort of weird ratcheting mechanism… I kept discretely looking around to make sure that no one was watching me look like a total fool.  There was a moment where people walked by and I pretended to be asleep so that I wouldn’t have to deal with them, figuring out how to work the seat shortly after they were gone.  I woke up every hour and around six I decided to crawl into the back seat and try to sleep there again, which was slightly more comfortable but I woke up even more often.  At some point I unzipped my sleeping bag, stuck my feet inside, and kind of draped the rest over me to stay warm… and I woke up dripping sweat in the morning.  I sat up and looked out the window, only to find Bev and her other friend who owns the car staring back at me.  It was a weird fishbowl-like thing to wake up to, especially since they were all dressed up for the game and I way haggard… I guess they had just taken a picture of me! I fumbled to find the keys to let them in and they gave me a ride back to my apartment a few blocks away.

I often leave before my hosts get up or at least am not in close proximity to them in the morning, so this morning in the car was quite unique.  I was literally wet with sweat (the car was practically a sauna and I still had my sleeping bag over me), my hair was even more crazy than it usually is, and I’m sure my breath was quite unpleasant… not really ideal conditions for meeting someone new.  I’ve seen Bev the last three nights in a row and I’m really curious how her impression of me stacks up to how I am “normally.”  I feel really different / slightly out of control, but I’m wondering if that shows at all.  Today my good friend Dominick read the blog for the first time and mentioned that I’m doing a lot worse than I seem in person, so I’m guessing a lot of it is in my head… we’ll see how this last week goes.


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