November 1, 2008

November 1, 2008

Apparently my lack of faith in Victor was completely unmerited.  I called him around 4:15 yesterday and left a message thanking him for letting me stay over, explaining the project a bit, and telling him that I would really appreciate it if he could find a place for me to stay that night.  I got a text a few minutes later containing a phone number, address, and one line telling me her name is Marina and she will be back at her apartment around 1:30 tonight.  It was pretty cryptic, but I called Marina (who is really nice) and we decided she would just call or text on her way home since we were both going to different Halloween things outside Westwood.  Since yesterday I noted that I dread having to deal with talking to someone about how / when we’re going to meet up, I feel like I should also note how great it is after we do figure it out.  Everyday I have this huge buildup of dread about having to deal with this project; as soon as I get off the phone with the person, however, it’s an intense rush of relief that lasts until the next day when the dread starts again.  Going over to someone’s house is really easy at this point… I don’t worry about it much and it has lost most of its awkwardness as well.

I had never met Marina before, nor her roommate or other friend (possible boyfriend?) whose names I cannot remember for the life of me.  Before / at the beginning of all of this, everyone I talked to questioned whether or not I would actually stay with strangers or if I would just move from friend to friend.  I really had no idea, but part of the choice of thirty days was to facilitate a transition beyond my friends and it has worked out surprisingly well (eight of my hosts I knew before this project, five I did not–of the eight, I would say three are people I would never see myself staying with under normal circumstances.)  I am curious if I will somehow make it back into a group that I know / if the trend towards strangers will continue / if I’m headed for a night outside to reset everything… the farther I get from the people I know, the less of an idea of the project I find that my hosts have.  Interestingly, this lack of information about what I’m doing doesn’t seem to effect how anyone treats me.

Marina lives in the building literally directly next to mine and I got there to find that they had moved the living room table and got out blankets / an air mattress to give me a place to sleep, which was much appreciated.  We talked for a few minutes about the project, but everyone was pretty tired so we went to sleep quickly.  It’s funny to see some of the similarities in things I am told every night I sleep in someone’s living room: here are the light switches, here is the bathroom, water is in the kitchen… followed by a search for the TV remote.  All of life’s necessities.

I had to leave around ten because Marina’s roommate’s parents were getting there at eleven and that just seemed like an unnecessary complication for everyone.  I got about seven hours of fitful sleep and as a result my eyes feel really swollen today.  Lovely.

Last: lately I have been thinking a lot about whether or not I am just using people.  I think that our relationship is more complex than that, but I’m not ready to delve into it quite yet.  While finishing this up, Heidi from a few nights back called: Thursday we found out that the co-op party Brian invited me to was wristband only, but Heidi just invited me to join in her other plans tonight instead… which I guess include going to a play with one of the environmental clubs in Santa Monica and possibly seeing a concert with Matt S., Chuck, and Anna.  I had talked to my roommate about possibly going to a party with him after hearing I couldn’t get into the co-op party anyways, but I’ll be doing this instead–and it definitely relates back to issues of just using someone vs. actually allowing this to become something bigger than a series of sleepovers.

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